Tiger 3 Movie Review — Sucharita Tyagi
Its Tiger 3 time!
Really leaning INTO the superhero storytelling syntax, because now we’re insistent on establishing the Yashraj spy universe, T3 starts with an origin story. The year is 99, and Pakistan is seeing a military coup. A young Zoya, happily kickboxing in London with her father is suddenly faced with a choice, continue life as it is, or become an underage intelligence officer, a position that for some reason is offered to her officially. She chooses the latter because nothing says “secret mission” like exploiting minors. Classy move.
Cut to the present day, Tiger and Zoya are still living off the grid in matrimonial bliss, Katrina Kaif is still prettier than the natural scenery around her, but secretly both are participating in covert operations, without EXPLICITLY telling each other details, until the missions overlap and the real conflict begins.
With mostly overused plotlines, Tiger 3 screenplay is a house of cards with a swimming pool of recycled stereotypes. The story by Aditya Chopra confuses banality for thrills. Lack of originality is further weighed down by the presence of a disinterested lead actor movie star with a vibe that says “Don’t come near me”, both on-screen and off it. We learn nothing new about Tiger, at this point, he is just Salman Khan playing dress up, slightly amusing to himself, at best. The action choreography would have been impressive if it seemed like the lead actor made an effort to perform any stunts at all. While editor Rameshwar S Bhagat ensures the body doubles’ entries and exits are seamlessly blended into Salman’s, there is no excuse for the tacky green screen and fake-looking sets, hoping to pass off as Afghanistan or Turkey, but only valiantly managing to look like Thums Up commercials. Either advertising budgets have really gone up recently or Tiger 3 is just that basic looking, but I half expected a bottle of black soda to come flying towards Salman Khan as he beats another bad guy into the dust, and tired by finally liberated-looking locals applaud and cry simultaneously.
Anckur Chowdhary’s dialogue enables the movie’s profound mediocrity. “2 saalon se taliban ke movements ko track Kar Raha tha” is the information provided by the head of a spy organization, to locate and extract a high-level operative. No specifics provided.
Not that Tiger needs specifics. His modus operandi is to paw at every mission with the enthusiasm and dexterity of a sedated Tiger at a zoo. I enjoyed the momentary excitement of a hilarious orange wig and beard, but as soon as he rips it off and Zoya is like oh damn, it’s all back to “My face is supposed to be stoic but it’s giving nonpartisan politician dramatically contemplating a crucial vote while wondering what’s for lunch and when he’ll be able to sit down for it”.
I am going to now talk about the special appearances in this film, and if you STILL haven’t heard who they are, feel free to mute until I give you the thumbs-up sign. Ready? Go.
In a Salman film, the best stunt is performed by Shahrukh. The man at least has the half-hearted decency to look anguished, pretend to writhe in pain, uncertain if he’ll land the jump from the bridge to the helicopter, and then take a couple of punches, before making a ridiculous escape on a parachute. While Tiger continues to look like he’s dealing with the aftereffects of a Petrificus Totalus spell. In a post-credit scene, the superhero universe’s desperation is even sadder as Hrithik Roshan from War is sorta re-introduced with Ashutosh Rana’s voiceover firing off a warning about all the ways a good guy can go bad. The sequence would be sexy because Hrithik just makes things sexy, had it not looked like a cheap imitation of the Ronin vs Yakuza sequence from Avengers Endgame. Is Major Kabir in Tokyo? Does it matter?
Thumbs up.
One generic location after another, Tiger 3 decides to take a long stopover in Turkey. One would think its because the country has strong political ties with global powers and its leadership is important for peace talks. You wish. The sole reason for the pitstop becomes clear when Katrina Kaif shows up in a Hammam, draped in a cotton towel, sensuously stepping foot onto a wet stone floor, anticipation building up to a hand-to-hand combat sequence where the viewer is at the edge of their concerned with who will win, Zoya vs the Chinese agent versus the knot in her towel holding the whole production together. While Katrina Kaif’s agility is impressive and her beauty a sight to behold, if in film schools a class is to be taught about the male gaze on female characters in cinema, it could just be this scene played on a loop.
Emran Hashmi is ex-ISI agent Aatish Rehman and the most impressive thing about the character is his ability to be dull in the midst of absolute chaos. As he says “Duniya ke nakshe se Hindustan ka vajood hi mita doonga main”, it becomes clear that in the third part of this franchise, which was good only while Kabir Khan had anything to do with it, now isn’t simply happy “saving” India for Pakistan, it will go ahead and save PAKISTAN from Pakistan. Toh iss universe mein padosi desh ke log iss baar ab evil nahi, bevakoof hain. Itne simple minded aur servile ki jab Tiger saamne aata hai, immediately ignoring the need for any sort of medical intervention for Tiger’s actively bleeding and fast becoming infected wounds, the Pakistani Prime Minister instructs a group of school girls to play India’s national anthem. All Pakistani people say things like “Hindustan ke khoon se libaas san gaya” as all their plans flop within 5 mins of execution, struggling to tell their ass and elbow apart.
To Bollywood and Salman Khan fans in our neighboring country who may be watching this, know that we are as embarrassed as you are enraged.
With more double-crossers and sub-plan makers and most thwarting per second, Tiger 3 is Aditya Chopra and Maneesh Sharma’s idea of a Diwali celebration for your family suppose. If it’s all right with you, it’s all right with me. But be warned that the closing credit song rhymes seriously with flirta-sheus and conta-geus, which aren’t real words.
